Community
2015.November
We are hosting a woofer and it is fun to witness new people exploring possibilities for their lifestyle. “I think you are going to feel attracted to her” and I actually didn’t the first time I saw her in the kitchen. Later I learned she is an acupuncturist in her place in northern Spain. It caught my curiosity whether she’d be able to give me a massage so I asked for it on her fifth day with us. Those five days among us have been moving her guts and bringing up lots of insights that are literally pushing her towards breaking her box against family, personal relationship, sex, multi partnership, bisexuality, eating, exercise and spirituality versus religion. It moves a lot to land in a diversified group where there are already signs of affection among the residents and visitors.
We took a day off to Mercy Hot Springs to be away from the stimulation of the group, technology and the projects in the property. It is confusing to me to consciously choose to create a container to seek, give us a chance to reconnect, become more intimate and even risk falling in love again and again.
Falling in love in a well establish relationship is the very best experience I have ever been to because it feels safe, adventurous and the blossom of ever increased intimacy is just awesome since there is enough room to trust and be vulnerable. SL will read this some day and still find a way to say: “You didn’t say you loved me in this paragraph”. Anyway, I had a very good time being away, playing tourist, gathering dead birds on the road, making fire and making love.
“I asked Laura to give me a massage now at the Earth House”, “Oh, good for you”. In retrospect I wish I had said: “I asked Laura to give me a massage and I wonder how you feel about it. If you feel jealous I would like to know what I could do to be of support to you” and proceed accordingly to her reactions. She’d probably ask what my intention was and I would ask if the massage were integrated she’d be ok with it. As I write this I just want to communicate a little bit longer and stay there for my Beloved rather than being high jacketed to a state of fight or flight. At night as we shared about our day she said: “I felt jealous and turned on by you receiving a massage from Laura so I pleasure myself”.
The fall in love was like falling from a cliff as there was a sensation of the heart being open apart as the tape in my head kept running louder and louder: “I have my freedom”. The difference I imagine is about being free when one is single, for example, and being affirmed, given without any holding back from the very Beloved that could have made the interaction all about her melodramas. The impact of receiving the affirmation in an undertone that would run something like: “I am happy just because you are” rocks my very core. I want to be on both sides of this equation because there is deep peace, expansion of generosity and a sense of a touch by the Divine in opening up to our Better Half.
The following morning they were talking on the sofa so I stopped by to listen in till I got the opportunity to thank Laura for her massage: “Thank you for working on my belly and around my crotch yesterday”.